It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize