Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
