Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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