i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can I color on your dick again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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