I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
