No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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