She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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