Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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