Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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