This is not my ceiling
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
