he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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