worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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