I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
