shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
