she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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