worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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