Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
