Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look better un-naked...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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