But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
