i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
