nut hugger
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
