My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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