so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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