first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
