Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
