And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
