Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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