found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You are the jesus of drinking
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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