11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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