Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
