your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Operation Purity has been aborted
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
