dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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