Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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