the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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