I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
