That's when you crack a 10am beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
