when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
