I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
