You're so nebulous sometimes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
