On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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