By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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