just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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