I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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