and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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