Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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