Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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