He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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