so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
