I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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