He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
