Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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