Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
