I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize