is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
