to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives