i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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