just tell him i said nine months
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
