Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
worst night to have a conscience
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
