i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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