woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
