I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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