is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
