Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
