I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
