hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
