you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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