jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
