you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
