he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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