3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
