but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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