how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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